I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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