I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You pole danced in your parka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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