i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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