Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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