His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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