I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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