I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
