My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
foreskin is a definite game changer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
