OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
