I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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