I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
