three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
