when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
