Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
