Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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