apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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