I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
