well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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