so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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