Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
