If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
