Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
