so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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