Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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