So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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