if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
a search helicopter?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
