It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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