I wannas sexs uuuuu
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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