Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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