hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
