So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
