how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
