Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
