is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
