Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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