Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
