Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
