Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
