one might say we're banned from that church
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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