my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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