So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
