Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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