We're facebook friends in real life
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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