you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
