I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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