What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My ATM looks so different sober.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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