i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
