I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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