so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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