he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
