Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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