no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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