Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
