Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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