who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
