So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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