We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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