She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
