i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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