your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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