Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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