I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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