woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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