I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
